Out of the bLue

you just can't have the best of two worlds. opposite worlds at that..

..and you just can't go taking risks when it means having to put the "future" of other people into the pit you would be falling into if in case the risks are not worth it.

i just made the biggest decision i've been struggling from for the past few days. i never really wanted to make a big deal out of the upcoming elections for the collegiate councils and the supreme student government but i guess, i just can't run away from it. i already asked leni about my plans and what it had to do with my passion for writing - that is staying in omniana. i like writing. a lot. if there are other things i life i'd rather be doing, i would choose to write forever for these good, or say best, reasons:

1. i met the people who became my closest and most treasured friends in the publication (leni, rolly, ariel, debbie, mikoy, ryan c., dave and the list goes...)

2. it built a strong character in me.. to always think of others welfare first and to express my opinions and views even if it would threaten my existence in the university

3. i felt this was my calling and this thing is meant for me and only me

4. my best and worst experiences happened during my omniana days

5. i have learned to love this more than anything else.

but then, i have some equally, and at some point, greater responsiblities i have to take care of. i think my college needs me for a job she knows i can well handle (according to a number of students and teachers i have spoken with). it tears me apart to think that i have to make a decision that would make me choose between doing what i like and doing what i have to. darn! i could easily say no but sometimes, it's hard to resist when you've already made a name out of "serving." much as i would like to decline and give others the post, i could not afford to sacrifice the plight of our college.

i have been contemplating on the decision i made last Saturday. if it was right to run in the highest position in the college council even if i knew one of my closest friends would be running in the same position. if it was right to blab about things i should rather had my mouth shut. if it was deserving of respect to talk behind others back especially if it had to do with a friend. lately, i've been trying to convince my self i am worthy to be president. but with how i have behaved lately, i should know more.

maybe i really am lucky to be one of the most sought-after figures in the campus. yet, getting it to my nerves makes me nonetheless the same with Gloria..