my very first friendster blog post

my head is still in a daze. after what had happened about three days ago, i feel so exhausted. yet, i have never been so relieved in my whole two decades of existence...

Saturday (Sep. 22, 2006)

half-awake at around 5:oo, i rummaged through my pile of pillows and sheets for my phone. it was only then that i remembered i don't have any to search for. *sigh* it was almost centuries since i last had my thumb scroll the keys of my very antique n-32.. as in nokia 3210. that was the first (and only) phone i've ever laid my hands on. well, it's just so sad to say goodbye to the only witness of my best, as well as the worst days of my escapade in UP.

... i didn't take my usual morning bath. eew.. i don't have time to. especially with all the yelling and babbling of my mother, i couldn't afford to get a squeaky clean shower while hearing mama's tantrums. after all, i'm going somewhere else... somewhere i can take a nice sunbath and sand bath and friend's bash: the beach.

whew! it's been ages. i missed the shore. i missed treading at a five feet depth of the sea and gulping gallons of salt and urea and toxic water. i missed drowning myself. i missed the feeling of being alone thinking of nothing, having no worries, even just for a jiffy.

whoa!!!! i screamed at the top of my esophagus until there's none left of my voice box. it was crap. but i soo-soo enjoooyed it. i've been wanting to do it for long now but it's only today that i managed to get it right then and there at the moment of my desolation and solitude. i'm with my friends. i should be rejoicing to finally break free of all the oppressions. i should not be sober.

i never tasted wine, malt or alcohol. if i did, it would be mean to say that i choke every time i drink. i'd rather spend my life sulking in seawater and eating seaweeds than have beer float in my veins. but that very moment, all i wanted to do is get drunk. badly.

i did. with dignity -- figuratively and ironically.

*find out more on my friendster blog - tubag: confessions of an emotera

no guts, no glory

do not live for the expectations of people around u. if u messed up, so what? what u'll regret in this world are the risks you didn't take. so if you find that 1 thing that makes u happy, grab it w/ both hands..


..and to hell with the consequences..