i had been busy these past days trying to fix my application for clearance at the university. and while i was going around the campus, i reminisce the good old days.. way back when i was still that naive college freshman.
what had happened to my life was a roller coaster, complete with every twist and turns, ups and downs, and all the vomiting but not from the nausea the ride has brought but from being pregnant at 20 without graduating. we have the liberty to choose the paths we want to follow hence, we have no one to blame for our mishaps. as i again visit the halls i once attended class in, i feel remorse for every day i have wasted not persevering to finish a degree even if it has not got to be in engineering.
however, much as i want to go back, i cannot as i have more pressing things to take care of as working to provide my son's needs. maybe things really do happen for certain reasons, reasons we do not know and yet to be revealed to us in its rightful place and time. destiny has its own way of letting its self be discovered; God has his own way of showing us he has greater plans for us.
the purpose and reasons for my being dropped out of UP has not yet been uncovered. if the that moment comes, i know, i just know, it's going to be the best as what is meant for me..
May 2, 2012
April 30, 2012
ako ay pi(Li)pino
i was hesitant to meet up with a friend, mark, who came from the states. he's 100% filipino but he has spent all his life in california and is currently on vacation in the philippines. as for me, i am here in manila trying to figure out how to get my academic records from UP. i am staying at their place, per invitation of his father.
it feels so strange.. speaking a foreign language in my own country (as what i've told mark). my friend knows only a little tagalog so i really have to boost my brain functions and avoid memory gaps as i fumble through words. i must admit i am good at writing (not to brag about that) but it's a lot different when you converse because you won't be able to take back what you've already said and do some proofreading and editing. not to mention correct pronunciations and the twang you have to produce when in speaking.
today, we went to greenhills and shopped for some tees. of course, he was haggling with the saleslady of a stall he's buying a shirt from and while the poor girl was to muster all her skills to speak english, i saw this shirt with the statement "don't english me, i'm panic" and
i laughed my a** out. he bought that shirt not totally knowing why i was so sold out on the shirt.
we filipinos are one of the countries in asia who speak the universal language best.. even if some of us are speaking in "carabao english", we seem to be too warm in welcoming foreign people to our land which makes it really more fun to be here in the philippines.
but i think it would never be any fun if a few more days from now, i die of hemorrhage from too much nosebleeding..
it feels so strange.. speaking a foreign language in my own country (as what i've told mark). my friend knows only a little tagalog so i really have to boost my brain functions and avoid memory gaps as i fumble through words. i must admit i am good at writing (not to brag about that) but it's a lot different when you converse because you won't be able to take back what you've already said and do some proofreading and editing. not to mention correct pronunciations and the twang you have to produce when in speaking.
today, we went to greenhills and shopped for some tees. of course, he was haggling with the saleslady of a stall he's buying a shirt from and while the poor girl was to muster all her skills to speak english, i saw this shirt with the statement "don't english me, i'm panic" and
i laughed my a** out. he bought that shirt not totally knowing why i was so sold out on the shirt.
we filipinos are one of the countries in asia who speak the universal language best.. even if some of us are speaking in "carabao english", we seem to be too warm in welcoming foreign people to our land which makes it really more fun to be here in the philippines.
but i think it would never be any fun if a few more days from now, i die of hemorrhage from too much nosebleeding..
February 29, 2012
when you're at your law-est times..
while some of my friends are celebrating as their names appear in the list of bar exam passers yesterday, i am here in my own desolate world, confined in the corners of my office cubicle and agonizingly encoding endless exchange of words from my bosses while my other hand struggles in piano-ing the cassette player keys.
i wonder when will be the day i would be wracking my brains for licensure exams. much to the capacity of my gray matter and the desire of my red pumping chest machine aches for professionalism, my dreamland-existing trust fund and aging human physique prevents me from attaining such. not to mention that i hardly finished three years of undergraduate college education at some prestigious university wasting my parents' time and money. i have nowhere to go but deeper down and no one to blame but my self for all the hapless and series of unfortunate events i have gone through.
this made me reminisce those times, 12years ago after graduating from high school ang having high hopes as Oble greeted me with loving arms. i succumbed to the weakness of schooling, i have almost every letter in my class cards instead of the usual numbers and if destiny be mocking me, the only number prevalent is 5.. a good number to slap my face with.
almost everyone who knew me, verbalized or left unsaid, had thought of me as a wasted genius. i once dreamed of going to law school, too, in my early quest of career pursuing. but as said, i had gone wondering more and wandering away from the fact that i should be able to finish a degree. and now, as another bar exam had passed me by, i wish yet again that i do not end up a lawless element...
i wonder when will be the day i would be wracking my brains for licensure exams. much to the capacity of my gray matter and the desire of my red pumping chest machine aches for professionalism, my dreamland-existing trust fund and aging human physique prevents me from attaining such. not to mention that i hardly finished three years of undergraduate college education at some prestigious university wasting my parents' time and money. i have nowhere to go but deeper down and no one to blame but my self for all the hapless and series of unfortunate events i have gone through.
this made me reminisce those times, 12years ago after graduating from high school ang having high hopes as Oble greeted me with loving arms. i succumbed to the weakness of schooling, i have almost every letter in my class cards instead of the usual numbers and if destiny be mocking me, the only number prevalent is 5.. a good number to slap my face with.
almost everyone who knew me, verbalized or left unsaid, had thought of me as a wasted genius. i once dreamed of going to law school, too, in my early quest of career pursuing. but as said, i had gone wondering more and wandering away from the fact that i should be able to finish a degree. and now, as another bar exam had passed me by, i wish yet again that i do not end up a lawless element...
June 1, 2011
my bestfriend's birthday
today is not just any ordinary day...
just some two days ago, i decided to let go of the fact that i will never be the same person again knowing that i would have to say goodbye to one of my closest friends. that really made me hurt so much.
yet, i am not losing hope. because one day, i know, that my life would be entirely different if i have the courage to wait and not give up...
happy birthday bes...
May 22, 2011
rainy days and mondays
today is unlike any other mondays. aside form the usual session here in the office, what sets this day apart is the fact that i am facing people who have hurt me and i have to live with that fact for the rest of my BEAUTIFUL life.
i am not a perfect employee nor am i a perfect person. but i think, people like me, deserve to be treated in a manner which is somehow humane and to have an equal right to be confronted in a private conversation...
what happened last week served as a challenge for me to do better and to control my temper, to respect people because of their position even if they act unworthy of it, to understand others and to be humble enough to accept that sometimes, no matter how your intentions are supposed to benefit the majority, anyone could put malice in it. still, i am grateful God has allowed me to enjoy the blessings my work has to offer.
Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things i cannot change..
i am not a perfect employee nor am i a perfect person. but i think, people like me, deserve to be treated in a manner which is somehow humane and to have an equal right to be confronted in a private conversation...
what happened last week served as a challenge for me to do better and to control my temper, to respect people because of their position even if they act unworthy of it, to understand others and to be humble enough to accept that sometimes, no matter how your intentions are supposed to benefit the majority, anyone could put malice in it. still, i am grateful God has allowed me to enjoy the blessings my work has to offer.
Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things i cannot change..
April 13, 2011
re-writing..
after more than a couple of years, i am again ready to continue my life's chronicles. i am moving on.. beginning new pages but never leaving my precious memories which has led me to this entirely new journey. i am different now, though somehow, i am and will always be the same. and as i find my way to another chapter of an uncertain book, i will be unfolding the previous pages i have made invisible. my throne is never left empty... i had only walked around to explore the kingdom and deal with the realities life has to teach me outside the walls i have built around me. i am wounded, yet still strong enough to stand and look back...
December 16, 2008
when God closes a door, He opens a window..
a window which is sometimes much much larger than the door..
i have never poured out my emotions to this online journal of mine for quite some time ever since i started working in Jollibee. my work took almost all of my social life and other circles away, except for school of course. nonetheless, i never regret anything it has ever cost me.
life revolved around the store. iwanted to chronicle my day-to-day experiences but i couldn't find time to worm my way even just for a measly ten minutes through the nearest internet cafe. i was exhausted after my duty, all i wanted after i got out was to sleep, sometimes even wishing i'd wake up after two days had i not have work schedule the next day. everyday was the same: but the routine was different. though i somehow came to a point where i wanted to quit - not because of the tedious load but because of my superiors. but i managed to finish my contract. i had actually extended three months more than the 5-month contract i signed. i was happy to reach my goal of getting a certificate of employment. more than what i asked for, i got an award for being a model trainer to the rookies.
eventually, it had to come to an end. and unluckily, what a sad ending because it was not the way i hoped my contract would end. now, i have all the time in the world to waste and become wasted. the life i enjoyed whih was confined to the ground floor of the food court suddenly got bigger and bigger i almost drowned of self-pity for being jobless. yet again, God has come to rescue me. for months, i have never seen church or heard masses but He never left me empty-handed.
a few days after i was dismissed, i got a nomination for a Women's opportunity award by the Soroptimist International. it was an award for women who are bread-winners but still continues to strive in earning a college degree despite financial sufficiency. if angels were creatures who disguised themselves in stubborn matrons, i would say i was blessed to have been sent one. :)
a few more days still, i was "summoned" by my colleagues at the dance troupe where i used to attend for a meeting. and it came to me as a super shock when i learned we were bound to leave for manila by january after the Hinguyaw Festivel for a month-long show organized by the Department of Tourism. take note: all-expense paid for airfare, acommodation and food. haha!! i was blessed ten times i soemtimes think i don't deserve it. then, it dawned on me that this time i've been spared was meant to be spent with my son who was left to the custody of a nanny since he was only a month old. the nights i had been crying and felt weak, he was there to tell me "Mommy, don't cry. i promise i won't ask you to buy toys for me anymore if you don't have money.." Aah. the wonders of children..
up to this day, i really can't still believe i got all of these. maybe all it takes is just to have little faith, as big as a mustard seed maybe, to move not just mountains but to turn the world upside down..
i have never poured out my emotions to this online journal of mine for quite some time ever since i started working in Jollibee. my work took almost all of my social life and other circles away, except for school of course. nonetheless, i never regret anything it has ever cost me.
life revolved around the store. iwanted to chronicle my day-to-day experiences but i couldn't find time to worm my way even just for a measly ten minutes through the nearest internet cafe. i was exhausted after my duty, all i wanted after i got out was to sleep, sometimes even wishing i'd wake up after two days had i not have work schedule the next day. everyday was the same: but the routine was different. though i somehow came to a point where i wanted to quit - not because of the tedious load but because of my superiors. but i managed to finish my contract. i had actually extended three months more than the 5-month contract i signed. i was happy to reach my goal of getting a certificate of employment. more than what i asked for, i got an award for being a model trainer to the rookies.
eventually, it had to come to an end. and unluckily, what a sad ending because it was not the way i hoped my contract would end. now, i have all the time in the world to waste and become wasted. the life i enjoyed whih was confined to the ground floor of the food court suddenly got bigger and bigger i almost drowned of self-pity for being jobless. yet again, God has come to rescue me. for months, i have never seen church or heard masses but He never left me empty-handed.
a few days after i was dismissed, i got a nomination for a Women's opportunity award by the Soroptimist International. it was an award for women who are bread-winners but still continues to strive in earning a college degree despite financial sufficiency. if angels were creatures who disguised themselves in stubborn matrons, i would say i was blessed to have been sent one. :)
a few more days still, i was "summoned" by my colleagues at the dance troupe where i used to attend for a meeting. and it came to me as a super shock when i learned we were bound to leave for manila by january after the Hinguyaw Festivel for a month-long show organized by the Department of Tourism. take note: all-expense paid for airfare, acommodation and food. haha!! i was blessed ten times i soemtimes think i don't deserve it. then, it dawned on me that this time i've been spared was meant to be spent with my son who was left to the custody of a nanny since he was only a month old. the nights i had been crying and felt weak, he was there to tell me "Mommy, don't cry. i promise i won't ask you to buy toys for me anymore if you don't have money.." Aah. the wonders of children..
up to this day, i really can't still believe i got all of these. maybe all it takes is just to have little faith, as big as a mustard seed maybe, to move not just mountains but to turn the world upside down..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
