rOyaLty

my bestfriend's birthday

2011-06-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

today is not just any ordinary day...

just some two days ago, i decided to let go of the fact that i will never be the same person again knowing that i would have to say goodbye to one of my closest friends. that really made me hurt so much.

yet, i am not losing hope. because one day, i know, that my life would be entirely different if i have the courage to wait and not give up...

happy birthday bes...

rainy days and mondays

2011-05-22T21:40:00.000-07:00

today is unlike any other mondays. aside form the usual session here in the office, what sets this day apart is the fact that i am facing people who have hurt me and i have to live with that fact for the rest of my BEAUTIFUL life.

i am not a perfect employee nor am i a perfect person. but i think, people like me, deserve to be treated in a manner which is somehow humane and to have an equal right to be confronted in a private conversation...

what happened last week served as a challenge for me to do better and to control my temper, to respect people because of their position even if they act unworthy of it, to understand others and to be humble enough to accept that sometimes, no matter how your intentions are supposed to benefit the majority, anyone could put malice in it. still, i am grateful God has allowed me to enjoy the blessings my work has to offer.

Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things i cannot change..

re-writing..

2011-04-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

after more than a couple of years, i am again ready to continue my life's chronicles. i am moving on.. beginning new pages but never leaving my precious memories which has led me to this entirely new journey. i am different now, though somehow, i am and will always be the same. and as i find my way to another chapter of an uncertain book, i will be unfolding the previous pages i have made invisible. my throne is never left empty... i had only walked around to explore the kingdom and deal with the realities life has to teach me outside the walls i have built around me. i am wounded, yet still strong enough to stand and look back...

when God closes a door, He opens a window..

2008-12-16T20:44:00.000-08:00

a window which is sometimes much much larger than the door..

i have never poured out my emotions to this online journal of mine for quite some time ever since i started working in Jollibee. my work took almost all of my social life and other circles away, except for school of course. nonetheless, i never regret anything it has ever cost me.

life revolved around the store. iwanted to chronicle my day-to-day experiences but i couldn't find time to worm my way even just for a measly ten minutes through the nearest internet cafe. i was exhausted after my duty, all i wanted after i got out was to sleep, sometimes even wishing i'd wake up after two days had i not have work schedule the next day. everyday was the same: but the routine was different. though i somehow came to a point where i wanted to quit - not because of the tedious load but because of my superiors. but i managed to finish my contract. i had actually extended three months more than the 5-month contract i signed. i was happy to reach my goal of getting a certificate of employment. more than what i asked for, i got an award for being a model trainer to the rookies.

eventually, it had to come to an end. and unluckily, what a sad ending because it was not the way i hoped my contract would end. now, i have all the time in the world to waste and become wasted. the life i enjoyed whih was confined to the ground floor of the food court suddenly got bigger and bigger i almost drowned of self-pity for being jobless. yet again, God has come to rescue me. for months, i have never seen church or heard masses but He never left me empty-handed.

a few days after i was dismissed, i got a nomination for a Women's opportunity award by the Soroptimist International. it was an award for women who are bread-winners but still continues to strive in earning a college degree despite financial sufficiency. if angels were creatures who disguised themselves in stubborn matrons, i would say i was blessed to have been sent one. :)
a few more days still, i was "summoned" by my colleagues at the dance troupe where i used to attend for a meeting. and it came to me as a super shock when i learned we were bound to leave for manila by january after the Hinguyaw Festivel for a month-long show organized by the Department of Tourism. take note: all-expense paid for airfare, acommodation and food. haha!! i was blessed ten times i soemtimes think i don't deserve it. then, it dawned on me that this time i've been spared was meant to be spent with my son who was left to the custody of a nanny since he was only a month old. the nights i had been crying and felt weak, he was there to tell me "Mommy, don't cry. i promise i won't ask you to buy toys for me anymore if you don't have money.." Aah. the wonders of children..

up to this day, i really can't still believe i got all of these. maybe all it takes is just to have little faith, as big as a mustard seed maybe, to move not just mountains but to turn the world upside down..

un-me

2008-09-02T03:37:00.000-07:00

these months had been so draining. and harsh. it has caused my strength to falter and my spirit weaker. i am alone. i am struggling. and the struggles have become unbearable. now, i am growing tired. all i want is to be at peace and to rest fom my weariness. i want to be someone other than my self even for just a while..

my very first friendster blog post

2008-03-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

my head is still in a daze. after what had happened about three days ago, i feel so exhausted. yet, i have never been so relieved in my whole two decades of existence...

Saturday (Sep. 22, 2006)

half-awake at around 5:oo, i rummaged through my pile of pillows and sheets for my phone. it was only then that i remembered i don't have any to search for. *sigh* it was almost centuries since i last had my thumb scroll the keys of my very antique n-32.. as in nokia 3210. that was the first (and only) phone i've ever laid my hands on. well, it's just so sad to say goodbye to the only witness of my best, as well as the worst days of my escapade in UP.

... i didn't take my usual morning bath. eew.. i don't have time to. especially with all the yelling and babbling of my mother, i couldn't afford to get a squeaky clean shower while hearing mama's tantrums. after all, i'm going somewhere else... somewhere i can take a nice sunbath and sand bath and friend's bash: the beach.

whew! it's been ages. i missed the shore. i missed treading at a five feet depth of the sea and gulping gallons of salt and urea and toxic water. i missed drowning myself. i missed the feeling of being alone thinking of nothing, having no worries, even just for a jiffy.

whoa!!!! i screamed at the top of my esophagus until there's none left of my voice box. it was crap. but i soo-soo enjoooyed it. i've been wanting to do it for long now but it's only today that i managed to get it right then and there at the moment of my desolation and solitude. i'm with my friends. i should be rejoicing to finally break free of all the oppressions. i should not be sober.

i never tasted wine, malt or alcohol. if i did, it would be mean to say that i choke every time i drink. i'd rather spend my life sulking in seawater and eating seaweeds than have beer float in my veins. but that very moment, all i wanted to do is get drunk. badly.

i did. with dignity -- figuratively and ironically.

*find out more on my friendster blog - tubag: confessions of an emotera

no guts, no glory

2008-03-17T06:56:00.001-07:00

do not live for the expectations of people around u. if u messed up, so what? what u'll regret in this world are the risks you didn't take. so if you find that 1 thing that makes u happy, grab it w/ both hands..

..and to hell with the consequences..

Best book buys ever!

2008-03-08T00:48:00.000-08:00

I hurriedly went to KCC Mall yesterday afternoon with a friend to submit an application form for service crew. We were heading to the personnel department at the 2nd floor when i got a glimpse of this newly opened stall where stockpiles of books grabbed my attention. Bookstores and Book sale always has this certain appeal to me so when we were done with my main purpose in going to the mall, i decided to drop by and take a look at the novels displayed. Unfortunately, i wasn't born to just look at things..

I saw a hardbound copy of Complete Works of William Shakespeare. This classic was hard to let go not to mention rare. it was the only copy they have so I grabbed the book. somehow, i couldn't get a grip of other titles which were also available. i was quite surprised to see that the prices were really really inexpensive for books especially hardbound ones. I wanted to buy more but thanks to my poor status quo, i couldn't afford to add another. The Shakespeare colection was only P275.00 though. Unbelievable, ain't it?

The following morning when i took the exams for the job i am applying for, i went back to the stall. again, i was compelled to find other books i wanted to read to start the summer with. i really had no intentions to buy - at first. but impulsive as i always am, i ended up fighting with my self if i should give away my P238.00 to the cashier. of course, i did pay the cashier - highly predictable. the only thing that consoled me was that i got 3 bestselling novels at that price. nice catch, huh? Here's what i got: A man in full by Tom White (actually, i've been asking a friend of mine to lend me his copy until i finally got my own at P45.00 only), Dracula by Bram Stoker (P105.00) and, my own copy of How Stella got her groove back by Terry Macmillan (P88.00)! it amazed me so much i don't even know if i could finish reading all those given the fact that i'll be such a busy person for the following weeks. Anyway, there were still other books which were being sold at a low, low price. The prices for hardbound books can go as low as P70, all in still good condition and fairly readable compared to the other book sale stall in another mall where they sell twice as much the cost and half less the choices. i've never had this much satisfaction with books i have bought for my collection.

Well, if you do have time, try visiting the place. you might find for yourself stuff you have been wanting to read in your lifetime. :]

Still life...

2008-03-02T04:42:00.000-08:00

it conveys more than what the naked eye could perceive. it stimulates the mind to think. it evokes emotions. it vividly captures existence and creation..
when i look at pictures, i can clearly see how life had evolved and developed man's intellectual capacity to invent things. nostalgia always finds its way to my serene thoughts as i once again view moments imprinted on glossy paper.

then i came across http://totolozano.com/ and saw how dynamic and vibrant the world of photogrpahy is. i used to think photography is only the art and science of capturing an image with the use of a camera. but now, to add to tanya lopez's definition, it is action. it tells a story - of people, of occasions, of experiences, of society, of human condition, of the micro and macrocosmos.

it distinguishes the peculiar from the usual. it is hunting for verbs, not nouns. it is more than just mere lens focusing and clicking the shutter... it is also imparting information and the corelation of things. that by taking pictures, we take into account the struggle to face the adversities and complexities of life.

a photographer/photojourn/activist's blog: you'll never know whats in store for you. his blog description, also a description of himself, is one i have rarely seen - direct and simple yet, intriguing. ang maniniyot - the facade of life revolving in pictures and kuno - a humble way of self-acclaiming a profession and in some sense, leading the readers to discover the realities that bite. the background is minimalist in nature, contrasting the surrounding layout of the page. the other page elements such as the links list and archives are well laid out. one thing i like most is the flickr of several photos capturing the vastness of human emotions. the tags would also give you a hint on what you can read on the pages and the main themes of the posts are highlighted by using larger font sizes: Mindanao, photography and of course, his persona. even the ads are not domineering. his choice of green for highlighted items and his header were also great: it fits both for white and black backgrounds so there are only a few colors used enhancing the minimalism effect.

toto's homepage fuses passion with activism. he gives his self away through his love of the art and his calls for social change. his posts, though simple and not really writer-material, can "knock" some social sense especially with the photos speaking for themselves. truly, an image paints a thousand words and a million meanings. with this, i'd like to share Martin Muncaksi's (1963) words on being a photographer on toto's page:

"He, whose aim is the genre photographs,
must be somewhat of a poet in order
to lend his pictures a dash of poetry
and imagination.
and the portrait photographer
must be a bit of psychologist;

the landscaper, a bit of an artist.

and they all must draw well,
to arrive at a perfect composition
with each of their subjects

and finally, the top of all:
news photography
– which requires
beyond all these qualities
the quality of a journalist,

with an instinct for news,
the knowledge of an all-around sportsman
who runs, jumps, climbs,

plus the tact and the wit of a diplomat
that is , to be able to emerge from the most
embarrassing situations with the
best possible shot already bagged."

***
This is an entry to the

Review-a-blog!

SOCCSarGen Bloggers’ Review-a-Blog Contest
***

heartbreak

2008-02-28T07:01:00.000-08:00

just hours ago, i was quite uncertain of what to write. now, it's worse. i can barely press the keys.

i cannot bear the thought of graduation day. not that i am bitter because i still have a long way to go before i could march. it's just that i would surely miss one of my best buds: i spoke with him earlier this evening.

i don't know if i am supposed to tell him how i would feel if he leaves for good. and i don't know what my life would be knowing he won't be around if i need him.

i'll miss him terribly.

i just know i will.

and i'm sure i would..

Out of the bLue

2008-02-27T06:55:00.000-08:00

you just can't have the best of two worlds. opposite worlds at that..

..and you just can't go taking risks when it means having to put the "future" of other people into the pit you would be falling into if in case the risks are not worth it.

i just made the biggest decision i've been struggling from for the past few days. i never really wanted to make a big deal out of the upcoming elections for the collegiate councils and the supreme student government but i guess, i just can't run away from it. i already asked leni about my plans and what it had to do with my passion for writing - that is staying in omniana. i like writing. a lot. if there are other things i life i'd rather be doing, i would choose to write forever for these good, or say best, reasons:

1. i met the people who became my closest and most treasured friends in the publication (leni, rolly, ariel, debbie, mikoy, ryan c., dave and the list goes...)

2. it built a strong character in me.. to always think of others welfare first and to express my opinions and views even if it would threaten my existence in the university

3. i felt this was my calling and this thing is meant for me and only me

4. my best and worst experiences happened during my omniana days

5. i have learned to love this more than anything else.

but then, i have some equally, and at some point, greater responsiblities i have to take care of. i think my college needs me for a job she knows i can well handle (according to a number of students and teachers i have spoken with). it tears me apart to think that i have to make a decision that would make me choose between doing what i like and doing what i have to. darn! i could easily say no but sometimes, it's hard to resist when you've already made a name out of "serving." much as i would like to decline and give others the post, i could not afford to sacrifice the plight of our college.

i have been contemplating on the decision i made last Saturday. if it was right to run in the highest position in the college council even if i knew one of my closest friends would be running in the same position. if it was right to blab about things i should rather had my mouth shut. if it was deserving of respect to talk behind others back especially if it had to do with a friend. lately, i've been trying to convince my self i am worthy to be president. but with how i have behaved lately, i should know more.

maybe i really am lucky to be one of the most sought-after figures in the campus. yet, getting it to my nerves makes me nonetheless the same with Gloria..

Readers' Nook

2008-02-24T04:38:00.001-08:00

I have had this sort of compulsion to read novels and books of any sort when i was still in my first year in UP. Our teacher in communications, Mrs. Leilani Aquino (god, it's great to still remember her name!), made us find a copy of The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery for our class. The book was available at the National bookstore for only a couple hundred of bucks. I simply grabbed a photocopy at the shopping center coz i didn't feel like going for a stroll at the mall and it costs cheaper than the book. As i read, i finally found my self too engrossed and entangled with the reading session that i did not want to leave the book unfinished. And so, i continued until i reached the last pages and to my amazement, i was crying after! I even wanted more.. Eventually i bought the book and still reads it when my mood is up.

The little prince as drawn by Exupery

From then on, i decided i should try looking for other books. Those which were "uso" and highly popular that time. That was the hype and height of harry potter and the first installment of the movie was upcoming. Fortunately, my dormmate had this set of rowling's masterpiece so i borrowed from them. I enjoyed much of the time i spent i almost starved my self just reading and reading until i finally made it to the fourth of the series in just 3 days!

another thing i just remembered. i read a story from the book section of reader's digest condensed entitled "The boy who invented the bubble gun" by paul gallico. the story was simple yet, quite compelling and in my high school years, it was definitely an achivement for me to have had finished reading a book and fully comprehending it.

Well, i have these list of books i have bought and some, i have borrowed, in order of when i have read and got them. If you want, just tell me and i'll lend it if it is still on my shelf (some of my collection had been borrowed and not returned up to this date i have yet to get them back :)

The Little Prince (translated) - Antoine de Saint Exupery - August 2000
Ulo ng Gapo - Lualhati Bautista - September 2001
Harry Potter - J.K. Rowling - borrowed from Allan and Ate Rhea; February 2001
1. the sorcerer's/philosopher's stone
2. chamber of secrets
3. prisoner of azkaban
4. goblet of fire - voltaire's at CIEM xmas party and UP lantern parade December 2002
5. order of the phoenix - borrowed from ate debbie March 2006
6. half-blood prince - ebook downloaded by ate debbie January 2006
7. deathly hallows - borrowed from Jay November 2007
The lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien - borrowed from OG June 2002
1. the hobbit (prologue)
2. fellowship of the ring
3. the two towers
4. return of the king
Angel of Darkness - Caleb Carr - borrowed from ate Jane September 2005
Timeline - Michael Crichton - arbor kay rolly during omni x'mas party December 2005
Domino effect - Adam Kennedy - rolly's March 2006
Filthy Rich - Dorothy Samuels - from Mitch December 2007
Sphere - Michael Crichton - May 2007
Tommyknockers - Stephen King - June 2007
Babyhood - Paul Reiser - July 2007
Seabiscuit - Laura Hillenbrand - July 2007
Chronicles of the mayfair witches - Anne Rice - from Chen June 2006
1. Lives of the mayfair witches
2.Taltos
3. Lasher
The Notebook - Nicholas Sparks - NDMU library February 2008
The Alchemist - Paolo Coelho - borrowed from Ariel March 2007
The Runaway Jury - John Grisham - October 2007
The Bone Collector - Jefferey Deaver - book sale January 2007
Shattered - Dean Koontz - rolly's March 2007
Freak the Mighty - Rodman Philbrick- peepie's May 2005
How Stella got her groove back - Terry Mcmillan - jan's May 2005
Black and Blue - Anna Quindlen - ate kix December 2007

i'll write a thing or two about each book as soon as my schedule allows me..
to be continued...

Stickers for all

2008-02-17T20:09:00.000-08:00

I appreciate Ryan Padernilla, SSG President for this school year, very much. It is because he stood up to what he believes is unjust for the administration to impose on students. and for the fact that he financed the purchase of stickers to be distributed to the whole studentry. There are still others i am grateful for having:

*Leni, for being the patriot of the BRH rooms;
*Rolly, for giving me the chance to be part of the student sector reps by nominating me [though sometimes i know he thinks i'm a pest] (:-);
*Don, for helping in the signature campaign and the cutting of stickers;
*Hannah, Regie, Jerazy, Boni, Archie, Ryan A. and the rest of the student leaders;
*George, for allowing me to use the printer of the council. Actually, I could use it anytime for council purposes but he managed to hand me the printer in spite of the busy printing schedule they have for the marketing month celebration.
*my Accountancy classmates who enthusiastically distributed some of the stickers;
*Sir Babar for approving the posters;
*the administration for this TFI which made us think we, student leaders, are not worthless;
*and most of all... the students of NDMU for exercising their right to quality education.

I am deeply honored to be part of this cause. Thank you...

The next level

2008-02-09T02:36:00.000-08:00

Maybe i am quite stubborn when it comes to park lights. Maybe i am overreacting. And maybe yesterday would be one of the best and worst days of my NDMU life..

I made posters yesterday after my finance class. It read:

mar·tyr
noun (plural mar·tyrs)

somebody put to death: somebody who chooses to die rather than deny a strongly held belief

WE don’t need to become martyrs. All we need to do is say…

..or die paying another 10% without being decently educated.

Make a stand..

And show what a true Notre Dame education means..

I had 2 posters tacked at the College of Business area even without approval from the DSA. What i had in mind was any thing posted by the council at our own bulletin boards would not anymore require "approved fo posting." Then i asked Leni to secure permission for the remaining copies so it could be posted at other conspicuous places inside the campus because i still have classes until 3:30. Fortunately, as i got out of my first class that aftenoon, i already saw some students huddling as they read the notice. It was just sort of overwhelming to hear them react about the TFI and more overwhelming when they said "kadto ta karon ha para makasali ta sa signature campaign." The afternoon before had also been striking because of the number of students who attended the general assembly despite of the abrupt information dessimination.

I used to think NDMU students are passive. I mean, most of them. I can quite count with my bare and stubby fingers and name some who are socially concerned with school activities and issues. But that day when i heard those words coming from a mediocre student, i couldn't help but be amazed at how a phenomenon such as TFI could beat the crap out of passivism or passivity (whatever you wanna call it).

Sometimes all we need for us to realize we should do something about someting is for us to be "terrorized." We wait for disastrous things to happen before we move out of our comfort zone and just stop playing safe. Life is full of risks - carefully assessed risks, that is. If we don't break the thin line that separates selw-awakening and foolishness, then I think we better just throw ourselves out into the ocean where seaweeds and anemones could benefit from our insensitivity.

Looking at the brighter side of life

2008-02-06T08:04:00.000-08:00

I did not attend my English class yesterday morning. Not that I am proud of i. In the first place, being absent is one thing I should never boast of since I already am a legend when it comes to being notorious. I just seem to get bored from the monotony of mingling with my freshmen classmates. It gives me the creeps knowing I am actually becoming a constant reminder for them to do well in their classes so as not to end up like me being a campus relic. Anyway, as I was saying, I did not attend my English class because I had more pressing things I wanted and needed to do that time – to go to the library. First, because of the reason I have already stated and second, because I do not have anything to submit yet for my preliminaries in my research paper to think that this has been the nth time I have enrolled in this subject called writing in the discipline. Very motivating, huh?

I went straight to the internet section to do my proquest search at the second floor when I came across this book which really caught my attention. The cover page read "Cornerstone: Building on your best for career success" written by R. Sherfield, R. Montgomery, and P. Moody. I’d like to share the few things I have learned as I leafed through the pages.

The secret to life is not finding your self but creating yourself. – George Bernard Shaw

All things are possible until they are proved impossible – and even the impossible may only be so, as of now. – Pearl S. Buck

15 ways to enjoy a happy life and be successful:

Take control of your own life
Adopt the idea that you are responsible for you
Keep your promises and be loyal to your friends and family but refuse to allow them to tear you down
Control what you say to your self
Take carefully assessed risks often and get out of your comfort zone
Don’t compare your self to other people
Develop a victory wall of your achievements to remind you and keep you motivated
Win with grace, lose with class. People love a humble winner and hate those who are whining losers
Set goals and maintain high level of motivation but your goals should be based on what you value
Work your way
Keep a sense of humor and learn to appreciate the simple joys in life
Focus on the positive
Don’t give in to adversity or defeat
Believe in your self!
Never make excuses

I then remembered what my Economics teacher repeatedly tells us in his class, the formula to success is Resources+discipline+techniques+willingness to work = SUCCESS

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the same as the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. – Mark Twain

Also, there were brain teasers I had my mind working on that I forgot it was almost time for my afternoon class. Here, try solving these brain teasers. It will help you enhance your critical thinking skills. I have given two of the answers for you to have a hint on how to solve these..(Actually, I was only able to answer two with one still uncertain to be correct)
SW & 7 D ... Snow White and 7 Dwarfs
I H a D by MLK
2 P’s in a P
HDD (TMRUTC)
3 S to a T
100 P in a D
T no PLH
4 Q in a C ... 4 Quarters in a Century
I a SWAA
50 S in a TU

Good luck. i wish you could answer all these as much as i'd like them to be answered!

YES to 0% Tuition Fee Increase!!

2008-02-06T07:10:00.000-08:00

I am a BS Accountancy major. And i pay almost three hundred and forty (P340.00) pesos per unit every semester plus more than three thousand (P3,000.00+) pesos in matriculation and other fees. In short, my total semestral fees for this semester is about P13,000.00. If the school administration pursues the proposed 10% increase in tuition fees, then i would need to add up another P34.00 per unit. So, if i am planning to enroll another 27 units for the next semester, i would probably be paying almost P15,000.00! I haven't even added the would-be increase in the miscellaneous fees! See the difference? Actually, i don't really need to be a CPA just to figure that out.

I can't see any reason for another tuition fee hike. as per CHED memorandum #13, it states that the propsed increase should not be more than the present inflation. Isn't it that OFWs have been complaining due to the sudden resistance of the peso to inflation? The latest peso-dollar rate i have known had been at the P40-1$ level. Is South Cotabato economy isolated from the national scenario? Or is south cotabato having another currency different from the peso that the national government had not yet discovered to exist? Well actually, i know the OFWs' dollar remittance is not the only determinant of inflation. According to my Econ teacher (again) and the daily papers, i have read the present inflation is at around 8.5 %.

Frankly speaking, i am quite puzzled by this undertaking of the NDMU administration. During consulation dialogues on issues such as this, they always try to compare the fees with other universities. But when students compare the facilities and the quality of education being delivered by those universities, they say they are two incomparable things. Come on..

Why am i reacting violently? It is because i feel the burden of earning the money i pay for these fees yet i do not get my money's worth. I do not get to enjoy the park lights at the college of business grounds because the guards say lights should not be turned on at night. How pathetic! I do not get to enjoy the liberty of being shielded from the rain or from the heat of the sun even when i am inside the MJH classrooms. Much more, i do not get to experience being developed by the development fee and i do not see any development or improvement in the campus facilities aside from the new administration building. I think the admin is facing a critical problem on how to spend and expend the funds of the school into the things they are not supposed to be focusing on. They say the energy fee they had imposed was still insufficient for the monthly electric bills of the school. Then why the hell do they have to put park lights in areas which are not parks? Considering in the first place that these whole bunch of lights would consume a big amount of electricity. Truly, some people do not know what irony is.

Anyway, i don't think i'm the only person in this world who has angst on the administration. We are all affected and it has a domino effect. So let's speak up and get ourselves involved. We don't necessarily have to put barricades or become mob leaders. We just need to show those in power that we are also concerned with or future and where our money goes..

My refuge

2008-02-03T19:15:00.000-08:00

At some point in my existence, i feel the burden of doing and sharing more because i have been given more. I hate it when people think i don't seem to get tired of doing a lot of things because truth is, i do. Even superheroes do. Sometimes i wish i could be insensitive to the needs of others and be a mediocre of all sorts.

To be honest, i am sick of being gifted.. of being highly intellectual. But i have this obsessive-compulsive urge. I can't seem to just lay motionless and pretend to be dumb. I just feel the need to step on the brakes before i burn out. Then last night, i heard these songs playing in my pc while i was on the verge of breaking down. It made me sentimental.. and mental at the same time. In short, it struck me. It's as if God reminded me all of a sudden that He was there willing to listen to me. Ready to hug me at these times when i need a father to turn to. Believe it or not, i just let the tears flow as i fell to my knees contemplating. Try listening to these songs or just reflect on the lyrics. It will sure make you feel relieved especially if you feel pressured. It worked for me..

Warrior is a child

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know
that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know
who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cuz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because his armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing I never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at his feet

They don't know
that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know
who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cuz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Strong Arm

My child I knew you before the world began
I was there everytime you wrote your name on the sand
And lately I know you’ve been through quite a storm
My child I’ve been there since the day you were born

Oh and I rule the wind
Yes, and I calm the sea
And the sun don’t go down until I say it can leave
As sure as my word
I’ll stand here right by your side
And if you’re just too weak to hold on
Remember child, I’m your strong arm

Now people will wonder and they’ll stand amazed
They’ll say you’re a miracle and I will be praised
And even though your problems have been so hard to bear
Just know that I’m with you
There’s no need to despair

Oh and I rule the wind
Yes, and I calm the sea
And the sun don’t go down until I say it can leave
As sure a s my word
I’ll stand here right by your side
And if you’re just too weak to hold on
Remember child, I’m your strong arm

Home

Thinking back when we first met
I remember what you said
You said you’d never leave me
I let go a while of your hand
Built my castle in the sand
But now I’m reaching out again
And I’m not letting go till you

Hold me, mold me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See I gotta find my way back home
So why don’t you
Shape me, make me, wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way back home
Master, upon my knees I pray
I just wanna be the clay
Put your arms around me
Place my life in your hands
Lord, I know I’m just a man
Know you understand
This time I’m not letting go til you
Anoint me, appoint me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See I gotta find my way back home
So why don’t you
Chastise me, baptize me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way
Cause I’m lost and alone
I’ve been wandering long enough to know
Humbly I search for you
And I’m not gonna rest until you

Choose me, use me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
I’m on my way back home
So why don’t you
Direct me, bless me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I’m on my way back home

for culture, for identity, and for social responsibility

2008-02-02T01:17:00.000-08:00

i was actually more than half an hour late for the scheduled blogging seminar at the smc hall. i woke up late because as usual, i was so tired from last night's dance practice. i was really excited... not because i knew he was there but because i wanted to learn infos on how i could make my blog a little more "professional" in some sense.

mark already asked me to be one of the emcees for the seminar just in case either (or both) leni or rolly declined the offer. well, it was not that i didn't want to but i'd rather be sitting in the front row and enjoying the discussions in a seminar i had been looking forward to attending. i pretty much think i couldn't appreciate - and absorb - much if i am quite preoccupied with what i am supposed to say in front of an audience, though i have that quick stimulus in such cases that i am confronted with hulgaanay. thank God it was leni's turn for the morning's session. though i was really not in y sense when i agreed having to beat for the national anthem - for the first time in my life! it hadn't been that bad anyway.

it was as if the departments of cs/it and marketing connived during the problogging session. everyone was actually eager and excited when they learned they could make tons (of course, i'm exaggerating!) of money through blogs. i wonder if we can merge and establish a new course: BS blog marketing or BS internet-preneurship, whatever sounds more acceptable and more convincing to those who want to become probloggers. however, one thing i understood is a blog could never be credible anymore once the blogger starts writing out of greed and not of passion.

another interesting thing i learned today is that, as what my column in omniana suggests, i have social responsibilities. it's not all about creating an online journal for me to flaunt my not-that-really-extraordinary experience for the day but i have to use my writing skills (?) to influence other people to become socially aware as well. and i have to be proud of mindanao which served as my home for the past few years after i left manila.

well, spiderman was right. with great power comes great responsiblity and with new media comes greater influence.

i learned to start liking this "blogging" thing. honestly, my enthusiasm to pursue my new career in the blogging arena has surged right after the seminar that i hurriedly rushed to the nearest internet cafe outside the school. i wanted to write something with sense but could'nt actually think of any so i just let my mind work and my fingers do the typing.

maybe i have to think of a more significant thing to write the next time. for now, i'll just have to leave and endure another night of leg sprains from crossing bamboo poles in tinikling.